Our Beginning MENU
I expected this to be more about sharing the feelings I can remember that I had back then rather than actual stories. There were a lot of ups and downs, even in “the beginning.” But as I try to finish this page in my 80’s now, I just don’t want to recall it all. She was demanding of me for many things including her happiness and self-centered and controlling, which from the beginning was so difficult as it continued for the long 20 years. I had fulfilled the Southern Baptist requirement of me being married and it just became a huge weight on my back. But I was determined to make it a successful marriage and kept trying.
Fiery Trials
In August 2020 I read this verse again and it suddenly hit me how applicable it was to my twenty years of marriage and the horrible 10 years afterwards. I tried to persevere and hope God has mercy on me.
These trials are only to test your faith, to see whether or not it is strong and pure. It is being tested as fire tests gold and purifies it—and your faith is far more precious to God than mere gold; so if your faith remains strong after being tried in the test tube of fiery trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day of his return.
1 Peter 1:7 The Living Bible
When I look back on how difficult marriage was for me and how self-centered and mean Ginger was, it is sort of amazing that our marriage lasted 20 years. I had been taught that marriage is forever and divorce is simply not acceptable. And I tried so hard to make her happy, then finally realized that no one can maker another person happy – she was responsible for her own happiness and some of my efforts to please her and make her happy were actually detrimental.
Near the end of the marriage she insisted that I join an Al-Anon group for “Children of Alcoholics” that I knew I did not need for relating to my father, but I soon learned there was a codependency in me with Ginger. As I quit rescuing her from her mistakes and covering for her with her job supervisors, things got worse and she soon filed for divorce, simply saying “I’m not happy.” and it was because of me in her eyes.
Back to the FAMILY OF MARRIAGE page.